


exhausted numbness after crying

by DrabblingSparks (ingenious_spark)



Series: Sensory Prompts [9]
Category: Saint Seiya
Genre: Drabble, Exhaustion, Fear, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Introspection, Long Live Feedback Comment Project, Prompt Fic, Self-Worth Issues, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 13:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14450253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ingenious_spark/pseuds/DrabblingSparks
Summary: Seiya, Saori, and the other Bronze Saints have returned from the Underworld, but all is not well. Seiya lies possibly dying in the hospital, and Jab reflects on what he is, and what he might be without Seiya.





	exhausted numbness after crying

**Author's Note:**

> From a list of sensory prompts over on my tumblr, [@oopsbirdficced](http://oopsbirdficced.tumblr.com). I open prompts semi-regularly, if you want to come check me out.
> 
> The suicidal thoughts are extremely brief.

_(exhausted numbness after crying)_

The verdict is back. The stab wound from Hades’s sword going straight through Seiya’s… everything vital for living… is incredibly severe, and if he makes it through surgery, he might survive, but it’s looking grim. Jab slinks off to his room and locks the door behind him, feeling sick and helpless. He mechanically pulls off his Cloth, and then his clothes, pulling on a pair of sweatpants before sitting on the edge of the bed.

The tears take him by surprise, and he has to grab a pillow to muffle his own heartwrenching sobs.

He doesn’t like admitting it, but Seiya is his best friend. Possibly even his first friend. If he dies… Jab’s not sure what he’s gonna do.

He cries until he can’t anymore, breath hitching and shaking a bit. He feels weirdly distant and numb, like he’s not quite in his body, but watching it passively change his pillowcase, blow his nose, and wash his face.

He sits on the edge of the bed again.

When had he become so weak? He and Seiya used to be about the same level, before Seiya and the other four when hurtling ahead and toe to toe with gods, while Jab… he’s still here. Wondering his he has any worth at all now that he’s been so massively outstripped by the one person he’s always unconsciously measured himself off of.

Where had he gone wrong? Why has he plateaued so stunningly? Saori had been making plans to give Seiya the Sagittarius Gold Cloth, if he survived, and Jab’s still…

Jab’s never gonna make it to that level. He doesn’t have whatever it is that Seiya does, and it hurts. It’s still distant and numb, but he wants to keep it that way, far away from himself. He doesn’t want to have to feel everything he’s feeling right now in high definition awfulness.

He lays back on the bed, breathing slowly. If Seiya really does die, what’s left of him? He knows, conceptually, that this is really stupid, selfish thinking, but… he’s honestly not sure what he’d do if Seiya does die. There’s a part of him that genuinely telling him life isn’t worth living without his rival, but the rest of his brain is shutting that thought down, boxing it back off into a corner where it belongs.

He wants to sleep. He’s exhausted. But his brain insists that if he sleeps, Seiya will die after all, and why is he still here? He should be waiting with everyone in the hospital.

But no, his brain argues against itself. If he stays in the waiting room he’s going to fall apart publicly, and that- that can’t happen.

Jab, exhausted and numb and afraid, sits on the edge of his bed.

And waits.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
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>   * Questions
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>   * Reader-reader interaction
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